Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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