I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Drake has all the answers
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
