i wish peter jackson would direct porn
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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