I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
the condom got lost in my hair
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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