I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
