you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
