I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
