we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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