If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
