i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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