I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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