I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
