so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just invented taco cereal.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
