Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize