I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
