She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
