no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize