I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
