no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
