All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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