I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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