He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
