I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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