I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
