fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize