just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
