Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
