i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize