Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I forgot how hot balto sounded
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
