So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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