In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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