OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
