yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
