Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
