Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
