I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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