are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize