Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
