the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
try to milk me bitch
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