question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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