So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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