that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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