Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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