Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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