OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
