redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
