so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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