It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
