don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
