In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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