I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
