i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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