No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
