I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize