No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
