i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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