Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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