You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
