I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
