I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
