At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
