It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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