it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
