i just google imaged poop.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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