we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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