the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
