i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
